stop being nice

Why being nice can be cruel, the dangers of hands-off leadership, and three workouts to challenge yourself this weekend.

There's a difference between being nice and being kind.

In a recent Diary of a CEO episode, Snap CEO Evan Spiegel broke it down perfectly.

Being nice is telling someone they’re doing well when they’re not. It’s avoiding conflict. It’s sparing feelings in the short term while enabling failure in the long term.

Being kind means telling the truth—even when it’s uncomfortable. It means giving people the feedback they need, not the praise they want. Sometimes, it means helping them find a new role where they can actually succeed.

I've fallen into this trap of being nice. By avoiding difficult conversations with employees, I ultimately enabled mediocrity, created frustration, and wasted potential.

You’ll hear business advice that you should give your top employees full freedom + autonomy. But, as Michael Girdley recently pointed out, that advice is garbage.

Smart people without direction don’t build great companies. They get bored, lose momentum, and underdeliver.

Rather than giving them unlimited freedom, give them challenging missions that push their limits. As I said a few weeks ago, people need to struggle to find purpose in their lives.

Former Snowflake CEO Frank Slootman puts it perfectly:

"[Young CEOs] just think, 'I hire a bunch of people, and then I sit back and wait for greatness.' They have no idea that they have to relentlessly drive every second of the day, every interaction, and seek confrontation."

Frank Slootman

Frank is a hardo, but he’s right. Without strong leadership driving tempo and urgency, teams naturally drift toward complacency. Just look at any DMV office to see what happens when urgency disappears.

This concept isn’t novel, Marcus Aurelius talked about this nearly 1,900 years ago:

“A man should be upright, not kept upright.”

Marcus Aurelius

I.e. true leadership isn’t shielding your people from challenges - it forces them to rise to meet them.

In the end, true leadership means making the hard choices that drive growth and potential, even when being "nice" feels easier. As you build your team, remember that short-term discomfort often leads to long-term success.

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You can download the full guide HERE—and please be a kind friend 😉 and share it with anyone who might find it valuable!

idea of the week 💡

  • problem: Most performance review systems are too infrequent and focused on being "nice" rather than driving growth.

  • idea: AI-powered continuous feedback platform that analyzes workplace communication and project data to deliver weekly insights. Helps managers provide data-driven, actionable feedback and automatically suggests relevant coaching opportunities for team growth.

  • how it makes money: $20/user/month with enterprise pricing for larger teams. Additional revenue from coaching and training services.

  • why it might fail: employees would likely hate the idea of an AI-overlord watching all their work. You will need to build features where the benefits to employees outweigh the costs.

workout of the week

Three different workouts to challenge yourself this weekend:

at-home workout:

Complete 5 rounds:

  • 15 push-ups

  • 20 bodyweight squats

  • 30 mountain climbers (total)

  • 45-second plank hold

Rest 90 seconds between rounds

gym workout:

  • 5x5 back squats

  • 4x8 bench press

  • 3x12 barbell rows

  • Finisher: 100 kettlebell swings for time

outdoor workout:

Complete 4 rounds:

  • Run 400m

  • 20 walking lunges (10 each leg)

  • 15 push-ups

  • 30 jumping jacks

Rest 2 minutes between rounds

tweet of the week

my plugs